Interns Tips n Tricks #1

"Avoiding Questions in the Rounds"

The first step is to anticipate the question.  This requires both talent and experience.  

Expect being asked by the consultant if:

1. The patient is one of the "classic" cases

2. If the patient has multiple findings

3. If the patient has one significant finding as demonstrated by the fake facial expression the senior usually shows as if he/she has stumbled upon a medical breakthrough

4. If the senior takes an unusually longer time examining the patient thus indicating that the senior is facing some obstacle and will now save face by asking his/her subordinates questions they cannot answer

5. If there is an addition to the rounds that the senior wants to impress (new student, hot intern, slutty nurse etc.)

***NOTE: Why would interns or students avoid such questions which are supposedly meant to teach them become better doctors and widen their horizons in the infinite world of medical knowledge?  The answer is simple, the questions are usually very highly specialized and are meant to torment the intern or student since they are not in their realm of limited medical knowledge.***

The second step is avoiding the question.    This is achieved by distraction, evasion and deception.

1. The fake call: As you have already anticipated the question [see above], you can just pick up your phone and leave the room and pretend that you're talking to a fellow doctor or staff nurse.  Just throw in the words "rounds, sister, blood result, request and busy" and you'll do just fine.

2.  The preemptive strike: As the senior's eyes wander across the group looking for the prey, you can raise your hand and ask the senior a series of questions to which you already know the answer.  This way, you have shown the senior that you're interested in the rounds and you have already satisfied the senior's ego.  

3.  The note-taking:  By taking out your pocket notebook and scribbling down with your pen you have clearly stated your interest in the rounds and the shit that comes from the senior's mouth.  You have shown the senior that you're a nerd and nerds are usually exempt from being asked.  You have also pretended to be busy and unlikely to be interrupted in the middle of your "note-taking".  

4.  Facial Expressions: Nodding your head is a really deceptive technique that some might underestimate.  However there is a catch to it.  Do not nod your head in agreement to what the senior says as if you're saying "I concur".  This shows them that you're a know-it-all.  Instead, nod your head with a slight jaw drop and a frown which says "oh! now I understand! So that's why! etc."

5.  The pocket reference: All medical students and interns are expected to have one of those mini medical books in their white coats' pockets.  When the senior is in the middle of his teaching right before he/she starts asking, take out your book and pretend that you're looking up the topic at hand.  As with step 3, this shows your fake interest and thus exempts you from being asked.  Even if the senior does ask you, you have the answer right in front of you.